What does being present mean?
Being present is a path to satisfaction because when we’re present we inherently focus on what is in front of us and make choices based on that. When we’re focused on the past we’re contaminating the present with pain that warps our interpretation of the current situation.
Living in the past
How does that look?
Regularly thinking about past pain and projecting worry into the future. Fantasizing. Not acting based on a rational interpretation of information in the now because we are looking through the lens of pain and doubt.
More often than not when we focus on the past, we’re not focused on joy. We’re re-living pain, and reinforcing negative behavior and beliefs. Constant looking back taints the choices we make in the here and now, and the result is painful life patterns repeating.
The effect is like opening the same door again and again but expecting to see a different room.
Worrying
Worrying creates unnecessary negativity in our lives and affects our ability to make the best and most authentic decisions. The worst part of the worry is that it creates a false sense of authority because fearful thoughts are so convincing and repetitive.
The hallmark of worry is obsessive thinking. Worrying wouldn’t exist without the repetition that generates and amplifies the dramatic fantasy of danger. Repetition blocks out reality and rational processing of information.
How do we feel about the fear based decisions that we’ve made or even worse have been made for us?
Fantasizing
Many of us oscillate between feeling bad about the past, projecting worry into the future, and daydreaming or fantasizing about a lifestyle we’d rather be living or a specific situation that we would prefer to be experiencing.
Not being present shuts down our ability to create the life we are worthy of having simply because we’re not here.
We are only physically available, but not mentally or, more importantly, emotionally available.
This is life on autopilot.
Fantasizing, or its more virulent form is a way of escaping the old pain and worry. Instead of feeling bad about the past or fretting about the future, we can ease our distress and anxiety by escaping to a feel good daydream about competence, achievement, or just plain heroism.
Eckhart Tolle said that stress comes from wanting to be there instead of here and so much sadness comes from not being able to let go of the past. Stress exacerbates procrastination which is caused by our fear, and then we feel guilty for not taking action that we need or want to take.
We end up constantly breaking promises to ourselves bringing on low self esteem which creates pain that we can escape in many ways such as through fantasy.
You’re not alone
Being present is challenging for everyone, but it is especially challenging for those suffering from anxiety, depression, and complex post-traumatic stress(CPTSD). As challenging as staying present may be, it’s a critical ability. We need it to move past the chains and images of trauma that drag us down. We have to be present to create a life worth living. Otherwise, we are like hamsters running on our little hamster wheels of dissatisfaction with each rung we step on being some kind of flashback, worry or fantasy.
When you won’t allow yourself to experience the here and now it’s nearly impossible to appreciate anything good about the present. We often will go through years of constantly trying to change our location or job believing that things will be different each time,
But where ever we go, there we are.
How To Be Present
Take action-
Feel the fear and do it anyway. You know from experience that your anxiety about what might happen is unwarranted. If you do make a mistake you will have the ability to deal with the outcome, and more importantly, learn.
Start Small-
Break down your goals or tasks into steps instead of focusing on the big picture. The only way to break out of a period of procrastination and worry is to act. Avoid overwhelm by breaking everything down into steps, and then focusing on one step at a time.
Write it down-
Often when we aren’t present it’s because we are dealing with big complex emotions below the surface. These feelings keep pulling us back to the past.
Writing things down helps us to gain clarity on how we feel. It allows us to see the difference between our beliefs and what is actually happening.
Overwhelm is a part of the inability to be present. Writing crushes overwhelm because we can vent our emotions and shrink our fear about moving forward.
Writing makes us feel capable and excited about our future as we can see a clear plan for how to get there step by step.
Talk it out-
Don’t discuss anything with the negative nellies and the bucket crabs in your life, but with someone who has demonstrated that they want to see you win. If you don’t have such a person start journaling daily. Join an online community like a Facebook group with people that share your goals, interests, or issues. Online groups are also a great resource for building a network, learning, and problem solving. Find a way to get support and network.
Everyone needs a little encouragement and help to get the job done.
Final Thoughts
The present is the only period of time that we have any control over. No amount of worry or reminiscence can change that fact. Nothing can change the past so let it go. If you find that difficult to do; know that letting go is so important that you should seek professional help if you can’t do it.
The actions that you take in the present determine your future.
We all understand this intellectually, but our emotions often stop us from physically embracing this reality. The only way to have the life you want for yourself and your family is to be present.