The holiday season can be a time of joy and celebration, but it can also be a time of stress and triggering events, especially when it comes to spending time with a dysfunctional family. If you’re dealing with an abusive or narcissistic family, the holidays can be especially traumatic.

According to a study by the National Domestic Violence Hotline, calls to police and family services increase by as much as 20% during the holiday season. This can be due to a number of factors, including increased stress, financial strain, and alcohol consumption.

If you’re the scapegoat in a narcissistic family, you may feel especially targeted during the holidays. Narcissistic families often have a hierarchy, with the narcissistic parent at the top and the children, or “flying monkeys,” at the bottom. The scapegoat, or the “black sheep,” is often the target of the narcissistic parent’s manipulation, abuse, and blame.

It’s important to recognize that being the scapegoat in a narcissistic family is not your fault. You are not to blame for the dysfunction in your family, and it’s important to take care of yourself and your own well-being.

One way to do this is to set boundaries with your family. This might involve setting limits on how much time you spend with them, or declining invitations to holiday gatherings. It’s okay to prioritize your own mental health and well-being over spending time with an abusive or toxic family.

If you do decide to spend time with your family, it’s important to have a plan in place to protect yourself. This might involve seeking support from a therapist or trusted friend, or having a safe place to retreat to if things become overwhelming.

Be aware of codependency, which is when you become emotionally or psychologically dependent on someone else, often to the point of neglecting your own needs and well-being. This can be especially common in abusive or dysfunctional relationships, where you may feel like you need to “fix” the other person or the situation.

Remember that you can’t fix a toxic or abusive person. It’s not your responsibility to change them or make them behave differently. Your focus should be on taking care of yourself and seeking support from healthy and supportive relationships.

Finally, if you haven’t already, look into the concept of trauma bonding. Trauma bonding is when an abusive or toxic person creates a strong emotional connection with their victim, often through a cycle of abuse and manipulation. This can make it difficult to leave the relationship, as you may feel like you have a strong emotional connection to the person, despite their abuse.

If you’re dealing with a traumatic or abusive family dynamic don’t be afraid to seek support from a therapist or trusted friend. It’s also a good idea to reach out to organizations like the National Domestic Violence Hotline or the National Child Abuse Hotline for additional support and resources.

The holiday season can be a difficult time, but with the right support and self-care, you can recover from spending time with a dysfunctional family and start the new year on a positive note.